The Caged Cheetah Inside You Hasn’t Forgotten What She Is, She’s Just Waiting
A deep dive into Untamed by Glennon Doyle
There’s an image Glennon Doyle returns to throughout Untamed that’s hard to shake once you’ve read it: a cheetah born in captivity, who paces the same small patch of a zoo enclosure her entire life, having never once run at full speed. Visitors assume she’s simply a slow, docile animal. She isn’t. She’s a cheetah who has never been shown what she’s actually capable of. Doyle’s argument, across the whole book, is that most of us are that cheetah, quietly domesticated by expectations we never chose, and that the way back to ourselves starts with remembering what we actually are underneath all that training.
Untamed is part memoir, part manifesto. Doyle tells the story of falling in love with soccer player Abby Wambach while married, and the reckoning that followed as she questioned nearly every choice she’d made to be a “good” wife, mother, and woman. But the book isn’t really about that relationship. It’s about the process of learning to trust your own knowing again after years of being taught to override it in favour of what’s expected, comfortable for others, or simply easier.
This deep dive breaks down the book’s core ideas and offers ten practical, example-backed tips for applying them, whether you’re facing a major life decision or just trying to stop performing a version of yourself that isn’t quite true anymore.
Who Is Glennon Doyle, and Why Does Her Story Resonate So Widely?
Glennon Doyle first built a public following through her blog and earlier books, including Love Warrior, which chronicled her marriage and recovery from addiction. She’d built a public identity, and a livelihood, around being a certain kind of wife and mother, which is exactly what makes Untamed so striking. It’s the story of publicly dismantling that identity in real time, at real professional and personal risk, because she couldn’t keep pretending it was true.
What makes her voice land with so many readers isn’t polish, it’s the opposite. Doyle writes with a rawness that refuses to tidy up the messier parts of leaving a marriage, coming out, and rebuilding a family structure that didn’t match any template she’d been handed. She isn’t offering a neat formula. She’s offering permission, to notice when your own life doesn’t feel true anymore, and to take that feeling seriously rather than pushing through it.
The Core Idea: Stop Being Tamed
Doyle’s central argument is that most of us, particularly women, are raised to become “good,” which in practice often means quiet, accommodating, and endlessly attuned to what others need or expect. Over time, this training can become so thorough that people lose touch with their own desires entirely, mistaking the absence of conflict for happiness, and compliance for peace.
She contrasts this tamed state with what she calls being untamed: reconnecting with the instincts, desires, and inner knowing that existed before all the conditioning started. This isn’t about becoming reckless or abandoning responsibility to others. It’s about no longer treating your own feelings and instincts as inconvenient obstacles to manage, and instead treating them as trustworthy information about what you actually need.
A recurring phrase throughout the book, “We can do hard things,” captures the practical core of her philosophy. Doyle isn’t promising that living authentically is easy or comfortable. She’s arguing that discomfort in service of truth is worth choosing, repeatedly, over comfort in service of a performance.
10 Practical Tips From Untamed (With Real Examples)
1. Notice When You’re Performing ‘Good’ Instead of Being True
Doyle draws a sharp line between being good, in the sense of quiet, agreeable, and easy for others to be around, and being true, in the sense of actually honest about what you think, feel, and want. The first is often rewarded socially. The second is what actually builds a real life.
Example: Someone who agrees to host every family holiday every single year, even though it exhausts them, because saying no would disappoint people, is choosing ‘good’ over true. Saying “I’d love to host every other year instead” might disappoint someone briefly, but it’s an honest reflection of an actual limit, rather than a performance of endless availability.
Try this: Next time you agree to something automatically, pause and ask whether you’re saying yes because you genuinely want to, or because saying no feels unthinkable.
2. Treat Your Feelings as Data, Not Inconveniences
Doyle argues that many of us are trained from childhood to suppress uncomfortable feelings rather than examine them, which leaves us disconnected from some of the most useful information we have about our own lives.
Example: A persistent, low-grade sense of dread before a particular meeting or commitment is often dismissed as anxiety to push through. Doyle would encourage sitting with that feeling and asking what it’s actually pointing to, whether it’s a values mismatch, an unspoken resentment, or a genuine warning sign worth listening to.
Try this: Next time a feeling shows up that you’d normally brush past, spend two minutes simply naming it and asking what it might be trying to tell you, without immediately trying to fix or dismiss it.
3. Do Not ‘Should’ On Yourself
A recurring theme in the book is questioning the invisible list of shoulds most people carry: what a good parent should do, what a successful career should look like, what a marriage should be. Doyle argues that many of these shoulds were never actually chosen, they were simply absorbed.
Example: Someone who assumes they should want a big wedding because that’s what’s expected, despite feeling completely unmotivated by the idea, might realise, on closer inspection, that the desire was never really theirs. A smaller, quieter ceremony that actually reflects what they want may be the more honest choice, even if it disappoints some expectations.
Try this: Pick one ‘should’ currently shaping a decision in your life and ask honestly: is this actually what I want, or is it what I’ve been trained to want?
4. Remember: We Can Do Hard Things
Doyle’s most repeated line throughout the book isn’t a promise that things will be easy. It’s a reminder that hard and worthwhile aren’t mutually exclusive, and that avoiding necessary difficulty in favour of short-term comfort often costs more in the long run.
Example: Ending a relationship that no longer fits, even when there’s no clear villain and no obvious external reason, is genuinely hard. Doyle’s framing suggests choosing that hard, honest path is often more sustainable than years of quiet, comfortable dishonesty.
Try this: Next time you’re avoiding a difficult but necessary conversation or decision purely because it’s uncomfortable, remind yourself explicitly: this is hard, and I can still do it.
5. Reconnect With Your Body’s Signals
Doyle writes about learning to trust physical sensations, a tightness in the chest, a sense of ease, as genuine sources of information, rather than something to override with logic or other people’s opinions.
Example: Someone weighing a big career move who feels physically lighter imagining one option, and tense imagining the other, might be tempted to dismiss that as irrational. Doyle would argue that physical response is worth taking seriously alongside, not instead of, the practical considerations.
Try this: Next time you’re stuck between two choices, imagine each one fully for thirty seconds and notice what happens in your body, tension, ease, dread, relief, before making the decision purely on paper.
6. Separate What You Actually Want From What You’ve Been Trained to Want
A significant portion of the book deals with untangling genuine desire from conditioned desire, particularly around gender roles, body image, and what a fulfilling life is supposed to look like.
Example: Someone who has always assumed they want a particular type of house, career, or lifestyle because it signals success might, on honest reflection, realise they’ve never actually questioned whether it appeals to them personally, or simply looks right from the outside.
Try this: Pick one major life goal you’re currently pursuing and write down, honestly, whether you’d still want it if no one else would ever know about it.
7. Model Honesty for Your Children Rather Than a Performance of Perfection
Doyle writes candidly about choosing to show her children an honest, imperfect, evolving family rather than a polished, conflict-free version. Her argument is that children learn far more from watching adults navigate difficulty honestly than from being shielded from it entirely.
Example: A parent going through a divorce might be tempted to hide all difficult emotions from their children to “protect” them. Doyle’s approach suggests age-appropriate honesty, acknowledging that things are hard while showing that hard things can be survived, teaches children more resilience than a carefully maintained facade.
Try this: Next time you’re tempted to hide a difficult emotion entirely from someone you’re responsible for, consider a brief, age-appropriate, honest version instead of a complete performance of fine.
8. Let Go of the Need for Universal Approval
Doyle is explicit that choosing authenticity cost her some relationships and public goodwill, and that this was an unavoidable part of the process, not a failure of it. Trying to remain fully true to yourself while keeping everyone comfortable is, in her account, simply not possible.
Example: Someone who finally sets a boundary with a family member after years of accommodation may face pushback or hurt feelings initially. Doyle’s framing suggests that discomfort is often a sign the boundary was needed, not evidence that it was the wrong choice.
Try this: Identify one relationship where you’ve been quietly accommodating past your own comfort to avoid disapproval. Consider one small, honest adjustment, even if it risks a bit of friction.
9. Follow the Next Indicated Thing, Not a Rigid Life Script
Rather than demanding a fully mapped-out life plan, Doyle describes trusting the next right, indicated step, even without seeing the whole staircase. This is particularly relevant during major life transitions where the old script no longer applies.
Example: Someone leaving a long-term career without a clear five-year plan for what comes next might feel real pressure to have it all figured out immediately. Doyle’s approach suggests it’s enough to identify the next honest, right step, updating a CV, having one honest conversation, taking one class, without needing the entire path resolved in advance.
Try this: For a decision that feels too big to fully plan out, identify just the next single indicated step, and take that, rather than waiting until the whole path is clear.
10. Redefine What a Brave Life Actually Looks Like
Doyle challenges the idea that bravery means big, dramatic gestures. Often, she argues, it looks like small, quiet acts of honesty repeated consistently, telling the truth in a hard conversation, admitting a mistake, changing your mind publicly, that accumulate into a genuinely different life.
Example: Publicly changing your mind about a strongly held opinion, admitting a parenting choice wasn’t working and adjusting, or simply telling a friend the honest reason you’re declining an invitation are all small, unglamorous acts of the same bravery Doyle describes, not just the large, visible life changes.
Try this: Look for one small opportunity this week to be honest instead of comfortable, in a conversation, a decision, or an opinion you’ve been softening. Notice how it feels afterwards.
Bringing It All Together
Untamed isn’t a step-by-step self-help programme with a tidy conclusion. It’s closer to an invitation: to notice the gap between the life you’ve been performing and the life that would actually feel true, and to take that gap seriously rather than explaining it away. Doyle’s own story, leaving a marriage, publicly rebuilding a family, questioning nearly every inherited expectation, is dramatic, but her actual argument scales down to something much smaller and more universal: your feelings, instincts, and honest desires are worth trusting, even when trusting them is genuinely hard.
You don’t need to overhaul your entire life to apply this. It starts with noticing one should you never actually chose, one feeling you’ve been trained to override, one small honest choice instead of a comfortable performance. Do that consistently, and the cheetah, as Doyle would put it, starts remembering what she’s actually capable of.
🎙️ Unlock More Secrets on the Mind Set in Stone Podcast
If you’re eager to dive even deeper into Untamed by Glennon Doyle and uncover more practical ways to apply its teachings, tune into the Mind Set in Stone Podcast! We explore the principles of authenticity, self-trust, and reclaiming your own life in a way that’s both insightful and entertaining. Listen now on Spotify, Apple Music, and YouTube to start remembering what you’re actually capable of.
Test Your Knowledge: The Untamed Quiz
See how much you’ve picked up. Answers are at the very bottom, no peeking early.
- What does the caged cheetah represent in Untamed?
A) A literal story about a zoo Doyle visited as a child
B) A metaphor for people who have been domesticated away from their true instincts
C) A symbol of ambition and career success
D) A reference to Doyle’s fitness routine
2. What major personal event does Doyle chronicle in the book?
A) Recovering from an eating disorder
B) Falling in love with Abby Wambach while married and rebuilding her life around that truth
C) Running for public office
D) Starting a nonprofit organisation
3. What distinction does Doyle draw between ‘good’ and ‘true’?
A) They mean exactly the same thing
B) ‘Good’ often means quiet and accommodating; ‘true’ means honest about your actual feelings and desires
C) ‘True’ refers only to religious belief
D) ‘Good’ is about career success, ‘true’ is about wealth
4. What is the meaning behind the phrase ‘We can do hard things’?
A) Hard things should always be avoided
B) Doing something difficult and worthwhile is possible, even without it being easy
C) It refers specifically to physical fitness challenges
D) It means hard things will eventually become easy
5. What does Doyle suggest doing with uncomfortable feelings?
A) Suppress them as quickly as possible
B) Treat them as useful information rather than inconveniences to override
C) Ignore them entirely in favour of logic
D) Feelings are not discussed in the book
6. What does Doyle mean by not ‘should-ing’ on yourself?
A) Avoiding all responsibilities
B) Questioning whether inherited expectations are genuinely your own choices
C) Refusing to help others
D) A reference to time management techniques
7. How does Doyle suggest parents should handle difficult emotions around children?
A) Hide all difficulty completely to protect them
B) Share age-appropriate honesty rather than a performance of constant perfection
C) Avoid ever discussing emotions with children
D) Leave all emotional conversations to professionals
8. What does Doyle say about seeking universal approval while living authentically?
A) It’s fully possible to keep everyone happy while being completely honest
B) Choosing authenticity often means accepting some disapproval or friction
C) Approval from others should always come first
D) The book doesn’t address this topic
9. What does ‘the next indicated thing’ refer to?
A) Following a strict, fully mapped-out life plan
B) Trusting and taking the next honest step, even without seeing the whole path
C) A financial planning strategy
D) A specific parenting technique
10. What earlier book did Glennon Doyle write before Untamed?
A) Grit
B) Love Warrior
C) The Molecule of More
D) Big Magic
Quiz Answers
- B
- B
- B
- B
- B
- B
- B
- B
- B
- B